I am not a stalker...I am writing you a letter to ask you a huge favor. I have a dear friend (we'll call her Patty for the sake of confidentiality) that lost her job today. I know and she knows that she is just one of millions right now in the same boat and she is counting all of her other blessings even during this rough time.
Unfortunately, she has had to go through this twice in the last couple years and as a single gal (with no hunky man like yourself to fall back on) it can be really scary. She has also had a rough way to go with her mom being very ill and being in a nursing home. It is a very stressful, emotional and crazy time.
Which brings me to the favor...we know (via People, US and even less reputable gossip-mongering sources) that you happen to have a lovely villa in Italy. Patty just so happens to love Italy, food, culture and...well...YOU (but not in some skanky, obsessed sort of way like some of those other women that we've seen you with). So we (her friends that love her so) think it would do her a world of good to be able to just get away from it all for a week or two, come for a visit, maybe have you take her around to see the people, taste the local food, certainly drink some wine, and if you are feeling really generous, maybe a little yachting time where she can subtly gawk at your sleek, bronzed body as the cool blue Mediterranean water reflects off of it. I know that nothing else could take her mind off of her current worries like this little get-away!
Thank you Mr. Clooney for your kind consideration. I do look forward to hearing back from you and telling her the good news.
Most sincerely yours,
Patty's friend
p.s. If Brad and Julia are available too, the more the merrier!
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